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Archive for the ‘Short Stories’ Category

Unlikely Stories

The High Point

by Aryan Kaganof

So here I am on my sixth day in New York without a bean in my pocket. Having the time of my life. I haven’t borrowed a cent and I’m not going to. Money is the forked tongue of the serpent. I wipe my ass with your dollar bill. If you think you know something you’re lost.

In a cab on the way to the East Village to collect a cheque from Underground Edd, Mimitos and I discuss Maimonides’ theory of time.

“Time is an accident that is related and joined to motion in such a manner that the one is never found without the other. Motion is only possible in time, and the idea of time cannot be conceived otherwise than in connection with motion. Things which do not move have no relation to time.”

She nods, “That’s pretty similar to my theory of time.”

* * *

Here is a short cheerful piece about South Africa today:

Punishment and Crime

by Aryan Kaganof

Who knows why Punishment was given the name Punishment? Punishment himself assumed it was because his mother had felt guilty about conceiving and bearing him out of wedlock: he was, quite literally, the Punishment to fit her crime. Unfortunately he never got the chance to ask her about his unusual name as she committed suicide before teaching him to speak. It was his grandmother who raised him, in as much as that little she did could reasonably be described as a “raising”. Punishment intuited that there was no point at all in asking his taciturn grandmother any questions regarding the origin of his name, since her discourse never went beyond the harshly barked orders that were intended to keep him busy, to keep him “out of the Devil’s hands” as she used to put it.

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An Out of Body Experience

my short story, “An Out of Body Experience”, received a “Highly Commended” in the 2010 Balls Quandary Award

Carbona, airplane glue and heroin are the Holy Trinity of the drug addict. A goofball is seconal, nebutol and tuonals. These are not trippy drugs. You’re really in your body. You have no inhibitions. Six tuonals and you’re dead. Seconal is lighter. Fortral – do it for three days and you’re an addict. I was stoned like on heroin but also paranoid. I took five times the recommended dosage. About midnight I did a shot of vodka. Then I thought I was gonna die. Everything started spinnning round.

Now it’s 4am and we’re in the Seymour Likely watching our beers collide with our mouths. Charlie Manson rolls a massive hash joint. He needs it to help take the edge off the crank. It’s very sharp crystal meth that we scored in bulk from Franky The Chancer. We were supposed to offload the package but Charlie Manson decided to test a little bit of the goods and before we knew it we had been awake for three days.

“I’m drunk.”

It’s not as if I’m telling Charlie anything he doesn’t already know. But sometimes you have to test your mouth and tongue; just tweak them with some muscular activity, if you leave it too long there is a good chance of never speaking again. Not sensibly. Crank does that to you.

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